30th April 2020, Thursday
Awake at 4am for at least an hour, i’m pretty sure this will pass and it’s just a hanger on from the ‘alcohol days’
So, day 11 and onto my next target of two weeks. Made my pledge on the I Am Sober app as soon as I woke back up, while still lying in bed. I’m also feeling quite motivated by filling in my little hand-drawn chart for accumulating 20p a day as part of my Soberista’s 100 Day Challenge – get to 100 days and donate £20 to my charity of choice.
Off out for a walk, roll on Monday when restrictions will be slackened off just a wee bit and i’ll be able to leave the house up to three times a day if I want! No more choosing between walk or shopping. Also not before time as I didn’t expect to still be here when it got this warm so I need to go and buy some more summery clothes.
Walk, 9am, and very hot already. Usual activities once back. Bad news in the afternoon that my tiny grandson, not even two weeks old yet, is back in the hospital. So, so anxious. He’s lost weigh again since going home. I just want a big glass of wine. Oh, and a cigarette (I gave up in February). Maybe just to go to my room, lie in the dark on my bed and cry would also be good. I do none of those things and just try to feel the feelings, go with the pain and anxiety. Verging on an anxiety attack but it passes. Afterwards I think I should have done a meditation from the Buddhify app but it’s so early in my journey that that particular tool in my kit didn’t immediately spring to mind.
After eating dinner a Zoom call with friends back home, it was fun and good to talk to them. During the call I receive a message from DD2 to say her and babe are going home and have to return to the hospital on Monday for more tests but all is OK for now. Such a relief! And i’m happy that I didn’t drink, it wouldn’t have been worth doing that to myself.
At 9.30pm a WhatsApp quiz with my online sober buddies – excellent fun, so many laughs! Bed at 10.30pm, shattered.