10th May 2020, Sunday
Up around 8am and out for a short walk. Feeling slightly headachey today, I can’t be dehydrated, I drank plenty of water yesterday, plus a large glass of juice and diet lemonade and a bottle of alcohol free beer, only two cups of coffee so shouldn’t be too much of a diuretic effect from just that… Ah well, I just have to take it easy on myself in these early stages of sobriety. Three whole weeks though! Feeling pretty pleased with myself 😊
Another straightforward day, did some computer work. In and out of the sunshine on the balcony. The heat is starting to ramp up here now – or maybe it’s because I normally live in Scotland and i’m still acclimatised to there?
“Beer” o’clock and todays alcohol free offering was a Czech beer by the Staropramen brewery. It was very pleasant, smelled and tasted good, and ice cold at the end of a hot afternoon it really hit the spot.
Meaningful May: Tell someone about why your favourite music means a lot to you.
So, dear reader, I’ll tell you. A lot of my favourite music has connections to my late son. He was supposed to be profoundly deaf (as well as being blind and having cerebral palsy) – he wasn’t deaf, one of his sisters just had to whisper the word “fart” from the other room and he’d be in fits of laughter.
Music brought him an immense amount of joy and his taste was wide-ranging – what other 13 year old boy would cry when listening to opera then sing along in his own wee way to Robbie Williams. Even now, nearly 17 years after he died I still can’t listen to Dolly Parton singing “I will always love you” (which she wrote) without crying. I used to sit with my dear son on a Friday evening, holding him close, having mum and son cuddles and listening to the Rock and Ceilidh Show on Isles FM. They invariably played Dolly and i’d hold him as close as I could as I’d already been told that his lifespan would be limited, and sing away to him.
So, happy times, sad times, that’s what my favourite music means to me.
I think that a lot of my problems with drinking stem from not dealing with my grief properly back then in 2003/2004. I did all the wrong things – trying to be strong for the rest of the family, not facing up to and dealing with my emotions at that time. Pushing it all down inside me and covering it up with too many glasses of wine, trying to keep some semblance of normality – it doesn’t do you any good but you can only see that with the benefit of hindsight.
Twelve years later when I lost someone who I loved very much to cancer I was very careful to deal with the grief in a much better way, but that’s a story for another day.